


You Shouldn't Have

by TheOtherOdinson



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Gen, thor being a troll
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 14:42:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2113794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheOtherOdinson/pseuds/TheOtherOdinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor takes gift-giving very seriously. (aka, Thor trolls the shit out the Avengers with tacky gifts)</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Shouldn't Have

"My friend!"

"Thor," Tony called over his shoulder as he ducked behind his bar. "Welcome back to Midgard, buddy."

Tony quickly poured two drinks and brought them out. "Come in, have a drink. How was the trip ho...whoa! What is that?"

Thor clomped into Tony's living room dragging along an enormous object that seemed to be some kind of multi-tiered sculpture. A giant, multi-tiered sculpture that looked like it was covered in gold. A colossal, gold, multi-tiered sculpture.

With carvings of dancing goats around each tier.

He wondered how Thor even fit it through the door.

Tony was momentarily speechless as he watched Thor finish dragging the thing into the middle of Tony's living room where he set it upright and began futzing about with it.

Look at that, more goats at the top.

"So, Thor, buddy. Good to see you and all that. Can I ask, what is this thing you've just dropped in the middle of my living room?" He gestured at it with one of the tumblers.

Thor finished fussing with the sculpture, then waved his hand at it in a nonsensical manner. The sculpture let out a large gurgle and then...

Oh, look. Thor brought him a water fountain. Made of gold and goats. And he set it up in Tony's living room. In front of his TV.

Thor turned to him and smiled proudly. "Tony Stark, my dear friend," Thor intoned with his fist over his heart. "As the Crown Prince of Asgard, it is my honour to gift you with this fountain as a token of our friendship and a sign of the goodwill which exists between our people."

Thor finished his little speech and looked expectantly at Tony.

Crap. What was this?

"Is this a thing, like an official thing?" Tony asked. An official thing that was a gaudy, gold, goat fountain?

"That's, uh, nice," Tony said, offering up a phony smile. "Really nice. Thank you. Say, Thor, just a thought here, but if we're marking the goodwill between our people, let's move this thing over to the UN building. I think it would look great in their foyer. And hey, think of all the people who could see it there."

Thor looked offended. "You are rejecting a gift of Asgard? From the House of Odin?"

Shit, was that a clap of thunder he heard? "No! No, no. I just...don't want to hog Asgard's gift for myself. That's all. That seems a little unfair. Don't you think?"

Thor's expression cleared. "Fear not, my friend. This is a gift meant for you and you alone. I anticipated how you might want to share it with others. That is why I have set it in this room. I've observed this to be your common room and where you do most of your entertaining."

"Thoughtful. Thanks."

Thor beamed.

  


* * * * *

  


"Thor, hi! I wasn't expecting you back so soon." Steve greeted Thor warmly when he saw him.

"Greetings to you, Steve Rogers." Thor clasped his fist to his chest and bowed his head briefly. "I am most gratified to see you're looking well. I have come this day, as the Crown Prince of Asgard, to pay respect to you, my comrade-in-arms and my friend."

Steve stared, confused. "Okay. Did...did you want to come in?" Steve stepped to the side of his doorway and made an inviting gesture with his hand.

"Aye, thank you." Thor leaned off over to retrieve something beside him before he came through the door hauling a sofa. A gold sofa. With horns.

Steve felt his eyebrows climb toward his hairline. "Uh, what have you got there?"

Once he got the sofa all the way through the door, Thor hefted it up on his shoulder, narrowly missing smacking Steve in the head. He carted it off into the living room before Steve could react.

"I have brought you a gift, my friend, in the name of Asgard and the son of Odin."

Thor looked around the living room briefly before he reached out with one hand to pull Steve's existing sofa out of the way. He pushed it off into the hallway and set the sofa he was carrying down in its place. Thor made a few adjustments, straightening the sofa, plumping the cushions, before turning back to Steve.

"It is my honour to present you with this fine gift, selected from amongst the furnishings of the Royal House of Asgard no less, as a symbol of my appreciation of your valor and the continuing friendship between our worlds." Thor explained, patting one of the horns on the armrest.

"Wow. Hey, would you look at that. That's...wow." Steve was at a loss.

Steve looked helplessly between the sofa Thor brought and his displaced sofa. He loved his sofa, it was so comfortable. Thor snagged his arm and directed him to sit on the new one.

He sat.

Steve didn't know much about Asgard, but he suspected they didn't do a lot of sitting if all their furniture felt like this. Thor flopped down next to him as easily as, well, as Steve would drop down on his own sofa. He shifted on the thin cushion, trying to get more comfortable. He realized his hand was on one of the horns and snatched it back. He looked at the horns carved into the frame and was suddenly, and unsettlingly, reminded of Loki.

"It will be most gratifying to know there is a comfort from my home in yours," Thor said. "Now, I will have even more reason to look forward to being a guest here."

Steve smiled weakly. "Yeah. Yeah, me too."

  


* * * * *

  


"Dude."

Clint blinked hard at the sight before him. He'd laughed when he heard about Rogers and Stark's "gifts", but it hadn't occurred to him he was next on Thor's hit list. He quickly reviewed all his recent encounters with Thor. He couldn't recall any that merited this kind of punishment.

Maybe this was his karmic payback for rushing to over to Tony's, camera in hand, as soon as he heard about the fountain. In his defense, that one shot he managed to snap of Tony standing glumly in front of his shiny new goat fountain, a drink in each hand, was totally worth it.

"I see you're pleased with the gift I selected for you, friend Clint. I'm most relieved. Giving gifts is no small task for me, given my position as the Crown Prince of Asgard. You understand?"

"Um..." He didn't.

"It can be an agonizing process," Thor explained earnestly. "Many a time I have wished to escape from the rules that govern me so I can freely give gifts of any nature as my lesser-noble friends do. Alas, I am constrained by the protocols governing my royal station. I must choose gifts that not only serve as a reflection of their recipient, but also as a statement of the status they hold in my regard."

"Huh?"

Thor grinned and patted his arm. "I will leave you now to enjoy your gift, my good friend. I hope each time you use it you'll think upon how I hold you in my favor."

"Thanks," Clint offered lamely. He stared at his "gift" and wondered what it "reflected" about his status as Thor's friend. What did a huge, gold footstool say?

Wait, were those wings?

  


* * * * *

  


Natasha tilted her head to one side, then the other as she studied the object Thor had set in front of her. She was almost certain it wasn't a weapon.

Almost.

She'd been surprised when she opened her door and found Thor on the other side. Not surprised to see him, just surprised he arrived so quickly at her door after leaving Clint's. He moved fast for such a big man.

She watched him passively as he carefully set down an unidentified gold gilded object on her kitchen countertop, placed his fist over his heart and started to talk.

"So you see, Lady Natasha," Thor continued with his spiel, "as the Crown Prince of Asgard, it is both my honour and solemn duty to present you with this gift from my house to yours. It is but a token of my appreciation of the friendship between us, as well as my wish that that friendship will continue."

"Thank you, Thor," she said, giving nothing away. "Please excuse my ignorance, but this isn't like a courting gift, is it?"

Thor laughed and shook his head. "Nay, dear lady, though you are very fine in form indeed, I assure you it is but a gift worthy of a shieldmaiden."

Natasha nodded. She hadn't really thought so, but needed to cover the bases. She still had her doubts about Tony's fountain.

"I understand," she said. She rested her chin on her fist as she continued to examine her gift. It was flat, had a smooth, shiny surface, was squarer than a Starkpad but about twice the size. The edges were rounded and smooth. It didn't appear to open, at least, she couldn't detect any seams.

"I hope it is to your liking?" Thor prodded.

She shifted her observation from the object to the Asgardian who gave it to her. She'd heard from the guys and thought she had an inkling of what was going on. Thor was good though, he gave nothing away. Two could play this game.

Natasha smiled, it was her best, most sincere, winning smile. "Thank you so much, Thor. I am honoured to receive this gift. I want you to know I, too, hold you in the highest affection and regard."

Thor returned her smile tenfold. "I am grateful to have a worthy friend such as yourself."

  


* * * * *

  


"Bruce Banner!"

Bruce looked up from his laptop as Thor entered his lab. "Hey there, Thor. I heard you were back."

He eyed the gold, shelf-like thing Thor was carrying in one hand and quirked a smile. "Guess it's my turn then, huh?"

Thor propped the shelf thing up on Bruce's desk. Bruce listened with half an ear as Thor gave him the whole honoured-friend, token-of-affection, Prince-of-Asgard talk. He had a pretty good idea of what was being said, he'd heard it second-hand enough times. He took off his glasses and leaned over to get a better look at his Important Gift Importantly Given by his Important Prince-friend.

It was gilded in gold, of course, covered in intricate carvings. Most of the carving seemed variations of the triquetra symbol, similar to what was ingrained on Thor's hammer, along with many interwoven runes he couldn't identify. It bore a little resemblance to a small, back-less curio cabinet. Three sides of the case were framed with delicate, looping lines. He wondered if they were meant to be vines or snakes? He looked closer. Or maybe snakes eating each other.

He tapped at it curiously. It seemed sturdy enough. It was kinda ugly, but at least it didn't have a water feature or horns sticking out of it. He glanced up at Thor who was watching him, his face serene.

Bruce straightened up as he slid his glasses back on his face and rested his fingertips lightly on the desk. "Thank you, Thor. I'm sure I'll be able to make good use of this," he said graciously.

It would probably make for a good doorstop. That had been the suggestion he texted to Natasha when she sent them all a photo of her gift. Or he could use it to hold the growing numbers of troll dolls Tony kept leaving tucked around Bruce's lab.

Thor smiled brightly, giving him a great view of Asgard's superior dental programs. "I am pleased you like your gift, my friend."

"Tell me something, Thor," Bruce measured his words carefully. "What you've been doing since you got back, giving all us gifts from Asgard, is this something you do with your friends back home?"

"Of course," Thor replied. "It is my honour and privilege to offer gifts to those I can truly call 'friend'. As the Crown..."

"...Prince of Asgard, yeah, I know." Bruce smiled down at his desk before looking back at Thor. "I guess it's an honour for us as well. That you consider us all friends enough to do this. Even if not everyone, uh, gets it."

Thor tilted his head back as he regarded Bruce thoughtfully. "And you, Banner, you 'get it'?"

He nodded. "I think I do, yeah."

"Will you tell the others?"

"Oh, I think Natasha has already got it figured out. As for the rest," Bruce shrugged, "I wouldn't worry about it. They'll catch on. Eventually."

Thor laughed, looking pleased. "I will look forward to it."

  


THE END.

**Author's Note:**

> Because of [this](http://thorkizilla.tumblr.com/post/94219904157/now-i-have-this-idea-what-if-thor-is-an-awesome) post I spent my day writing 2000 words of Thor giving the Avengers tacky gifts instead of lounging about playing video games -- like I had planned!


End file.
